Shorts

Last summer, while the main street of town was under major re-constrution, a man was hired to "assist" traffic and pedestrians, while the lights weren't working at a major intersection.

He was an old man with knobby knees and, rain or shine, he wore shorts and long socks. He also wore the red fluorescent vest, that was given to him, most proudly.

Why write about him? Well he was an asshole, that's why.

It is confusing at the best of times for cars and people in that busy resort town. Let alone the fact that the whole road was torn up and there were no traffic lights or "walk / don't walk" lights to assist.

"WALK NOW!!!!" He would scream at people... throngs of people waiting to cross the road. If cars kept coming at them, people rightly stopped and waited. He actually started jumping up and down at times while he shouted.

"ARRRGGGH!! TO HELL WITH YOUSE!!!" the old man in shorts would yell if the pedestrians didn't move when he told them to. He would wave them away and turn his back in disgust. I was worried for his health daily as I often witnessed his face match the colour of his vest. I could see him from the window of the shop I worked in. He looked as scary as he sounded most days.

He yelled at cars just the same way although I'm sure no one heard him as they had their windows rolled up. They probably just listened to their music in their air conditioned cars and saw a strange man in shorts with a red face yelling about something and shaking his fist upon occasion.

The closest run in that I had with the man in shorts was during an intense but brief hailstorm when I was attempting to walk across the road, along with other people who were fighting to stay upright in the wind. I even had my arms wrapped around an ineffective light pole until there was no traffic and I let go and hurried across. The wind was so loud and strong that I could hardly make out what the old man was shouting about. None of the other pedestrians knew what he was on about either. As we made it to the other side of the road the man was almost apoplectic. He was screaming and pointing and we looked. The storm was so severe that a police car had parked in the middle of the intersection, no doubt to assist in traffic control while the hail hammered down and people who were already confused with the old man's lack of direction became more confused.

We finally heard what he was yelling:

"THERE IS A POLICE CAR IN THE INTERSECTION!!! WHEN THERE IS A POLICE CAR IN THE INTERSECTION, THAT MEANS YOU FREEZE!!!!!!!"

We were so busy trying to stand upright against the wind that no one paid him much attention and I think that was always what made him tear his hair out. How invalidating to be ignored all the time let alone during a storm.

Funnily enough, there was no sturm und drang at any of the other intersections on main street. I hope the man survived the summer.