Angels in many guises.

Is it possible that there are unaware angels? Angels who do not realize that they are doing God's work, acting as his messengers without knowing it themselves? Spreading goodness and provoking introspection? Saying words without knowing why? Making choices the same way? And all for the good of those they touch?

There is a series of moments that remain captured in my mind's eye and will remain so until I take my last conscious breath. I'll attempt to share some of them with you.

I have some very differing accounts of my experiences with Angels as I have known them. Some may have known what they were doing, others perhaps not. And some are no doubt metaphorical angels. It is a strange belief I have. If I cared what anyone thought, I'd stop writing now.

AWARE? UNAWARE?

One day in Lake Louise, not looking forward to anything at all, when I was walking toward another day at my very stressful job at the little banking agency that I managed, I noticed a little girl standing beside a black van in the parking lot. A man, whom I assumed was her father, was doing something under the hood of the van and the little girl was just standing stock still, beaming at me with the most incredibly beautiful smile I recall seeing on a child's face. She had very long blond hair. It seemed to be too long to have grown that much for a girl her size. And the hair was literally glowing in the sunlight just the same way she was smiling. The sun and that girl's smile seemed to be made of the same stuff. She was more than a child's smile, there was something different about her. I smiled back as I continued to walk to my work.

"Hello!" she called. There were many people in that parking lot on that busy summer day in Lake Louise. But she had not taken her eyes off me. "Are you all right?" she asked, still smiling. No one was paying her any attention.
"Well yes, thank you!" I said, pausing a little in my walk and slowing down. I didn't have a chance to say anything else before she hollered, and I do mean hollered, "I love you!!!" Well I told her I loved her too, but I didn't holler. What would her "father" have thought? And she continued to smile at me as I went in the door to the bank. What a sweet little girl, I thought.

And being the shut down light-worker that I was at that time, I hadn't seen that little girl for who she may well have represented. I didn't stick around to see if she left in that van. I didn't pay any more attention. My head at that time in my life was full of "busyness".


AWARE?

Funny how these personalities appear to me on the way to or at work!!! In Banff I worked in the most beautiful book store I have ever known (and I have known many). Anyone who remembers me from my bookstore days will know how incredibly happy that work made me. Nevertheless, it sucked to be me for quite a few years prior, and I was healing slowly. Here I go with a "one day in summer" again.... and something has only just occurred to me that I will share in a moment.

One summer day, I was at the cash register in the bookstore and a very striking looking woman came inside. She was slender and pale and graceful and had shortish black hair. She wore a sharp looking black leather coat and very dark sunglasses which she slowly removed as she approached me, walking straight toward me as soon as she came in the door. "Would you mind" she said "turning off the music while I am in here? I am epileptic and sometimes this kind of music can trigger a seizure." Well being the compassionate person I am, I assured her that I would do as she asked. People stared as they had heard her. So let them stare, I thought. I went up to the office and told my boss about the lady's request. The look on his face said "what a weirdo". Some things don't have to be said. But he turned the music off anyway.
I went back downstairs and the woman had not started to look around at all. She hadn't moved. I met her at the cash desk again, ready to ask her if I could help her.
"So where is it you want to go?" she said. "I mean, if you wanted to go somewhere, where would you go?"

I blurted out "Mesa, Arizona" and wondered why the heck I was telling her this. I could not stop talking! I told her that Mesa and the Anasazi were on my mind alot at that time in my life. Mesa Verde in Colorado hadn't really entered into it much. I knew little about any such places really... And I knew little about Arizona. But I felt very drawn to it. My head swam with thoughts of the Hopi and legends, with figures like Kokopelli, and I didn't know why. I was unquestioning with regard to my interest and had accepted it as part of what may be waking up within me. My Reiki courses were opening doors of consciousness for me.... but regardless, there I was spilling my guts about my geographical and other interests to some stranger who was apparently deeply interested in what I had to say. She agreed with me that I was correct about Mesa, AZ, and that some locations held incredibly spiritual significance. I told her about how surprised I was with myself because I was a water person through and through and that was MY element, no matter what discipline I followed when I explored the elements and myself. I would feel like a "fish out of water" in the desert, so why did I want to go there so badly? I was shocked at myself for sharing so much of my new-agey thoughts with someone I didn't even know.

She asked me if I understood the importance of following through with my desires to go to certain places which drew me in. I honestly do not recall the rest of what we talked about. It became clear to me that she had not come in the store to buy a book.
After about 15 minutes, a man walked in and he also was wearing a black leather coat and dark glasses. "And how are YOU doing?" he asked the woman. She said she was fine and followed him up the stairs. I got busy with customers who DID need my assistance and do not recall seeing the man nor the woman leave the store. But leave they must have, because I looked for her and she was gone and I went back into the office to turn the music back on. There was something very special about that woman. Every strand of my threaded intuition told me so.

And that thing that just occurred to me? The bookstore had no air conditioning. Sometimes it easily reached 90 degrees in there as it got the sun all day long. It was baking hot outside as well. So why were those two wearing black leather coats when I was almost passing out from the heat in a summer dress?

I will write about Israel in another post... you won't believe what I tell you. I hardly did believe it myself at the time. But now I know better.


TOTALLY UNAWARE

It was in the same bookstore, where I was so very happy at work, on another summer day, that someone gave me no small gift.

Having good things come my way was few and far between for many years. What occurred in the few moments I am about to relate to you, whether you find it silly or not, remained to carry me through periods of self doubt and rampant self-criticism. Particularly as time goes by, and as I age and as I doubt that vanity is even a luxury I can afford.... Non-confident, unattractive, closed up, shut off, walls built, CLOSED. They're all lies I tell myself.

My forte is customer service. I am never happier than when I have been able to help someone. Many people in a tourist town grumble about the myriad questions they get asked. I would laugh with the rest when we discussed the proverbial "silly" questions that we got asked. But with the people I assisted, I never once treated them as "stupid tourists". (Many people did..... I was never one of them.)

The "no small gift" I received on that aforementioned day?

A tall, "ordinary" and kind looking man came into the shop and made a beeline toward me. He looked a little stressed, but he still smiled nicely. At first. (I saw hundreds of people in a day at work and in and around Banff. But this man was different. Yes, that's about it. Different.)

He asked me for directions as to how to get back onto the highway heading East back toward Calgary. As I explained to him the way out of town and East, he became almost confused and restless. He asked me to repeat myself a number of times. He mumbled a thank you after I eventually drew him a map. (I was always drawing maps for tourists who seemed confused by all the regular tourist maps out there.)
The man still looked confused, asked me to tell him again, quietly thanked me again and left. He looked almost grave when he left. I was a bit worried about the guy.

Within a few minutes, he was back. He seemed to gaze at me apologetically.
"I'm sorry, I had to come back to tell you.... that you have been extremely helpful and pardon my confusion... it's just that you have the most stunning eyes of anyone I have ever met." I must have looked surprised. I laughed with relief, thanked him and told him that it was very nice of him to tell me so. With almost a little sideways nod of his head, seemingly reassured and smiling now, he headed out the door never to be seen by me again.

It was a bookstore, not a bar. He was on his way out of town, not staying. His remark was very obviously sincere and he did not need to make it. He had his directions and his map and he need not have come back to share his personal observation nor explain his confusion to me. How much courage had it taken for him to say what he had said? I sometimes wonder where that man is; how his life is going; if he is happy; if he realized the gift that he had given me that day.

Share, people. Share.

Angels in many guises, whether real or subconsciously self-feigned, are there for us for a reason.

Grieving

That hole in your solar plexus can be filled with the white light of angels but it must be topped up all the time. When you built up walls and didn't want to get involved in something that turned out to be quite wonderful... the walls were a dam that was strong and kept you safe from the floodwater of pain and hurt. Little bits at a time, erosion took place and little tiny holes appeared... first they let in alot of illumination. Mere pin pricks of light turned into glowing rays of beautiful comfort and you felt you were really going home, getting there, you'd found it at last. You had been waiting a lifetime and the light became stronger and brighter and happiness filled your heart. Then someone decided to put a wedge in the tiny holes, one at a time, getting exactly what they wanted by using another's fears against them. The rays of illumination were so far up high... they were coming from the top of the dam, where it was safe. But then the wedges got driven more strongly and someone sought out deeper cracks and crevices and all but shattered their way through. And an innocent stood alongside with no way or means to help. As scared of the hammer as you are. Within a short time, all that water floods the plain, it is a violent gushing forth experienced as pain and where once stood something so grand, lies ruins. Such is the power of the forgiven. The forgiven who has no scruples. The hole in your solar plexus can be filled with the white light of angels.... and soon the flow of light is automatic... however the pain has to be gone through so the healing can begin and the hole that moved to your heart can be overgrown with scar tissue and hardened once more.